Jokes :)

Quote of the Day
Women don't make fools of men; most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

An elderly couple is sitting in church. The woman says to her husband, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?"
The man turns to her and says, "Well, you can start by changing the battery in your hearing aid."

Tried in a hostile town, a guy didn't think he had a chance of getting off a murder charge, so shortly before the jury retired he bribed one of the jurors to find him guilty of the lesser crime of manslaughter.
The jury was out for over three days before eventually returning a verdict of manslaughter. The relieved defendant collared the bribed juror and said: "Thanks. How ever did you manage it?"
"It wasn't easy," admitted the juror. "All the others wanted to acquit you."

Chanowski & his other Polak drinking buddy are sitting at a bar . " See those guys over there ? " Chanowski says." I'm going over there and ask them what they think of Polaks."
Chanowki walks up to the two guys sitting at the other end of the bar and asks them what they think of Polaks. One of the men gives Chanowski the finger. The middle finger. Chanowski then walks back to his drinking buddy.
" Well , what do they think of Polaks?" he asks.
"We're still number one , " replies Chanowski.

A dog applied for a job as a high-powered secretary with a multinational company. The advertisement stated that the successful applicant must have good keyboard skills, a command of shorthand, and be able to speak a second language.
The interviewer sat the dog at the computer and watched in wonderment as the animal successfully carried out the most complex functions, including spreadsheets and e-mail. Then he gave the dog dictation and was impressed by the hounds ability to write a hundred and twenty words a minute in immaculate shorthand.
"Well," he said at the end of the interview, "It looks as if the job's yours. There's just one thing. What about the second language?"
To which the dog replied: "Meow!"