Jokes :)

Quote of the Day
The reason many people fail to recognize opportunity is because it comes disguised as Hard Work. Cleverness carries the day, but Wisdom endures.

Father Shaughnessy found himself next to Rabbi Ginsberg at a charity function and could not help but notice that the rabbi was picking at his food as though he suspected it of being less than kosher.
Smiling slyly, the good priest whispered, "Come, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and eat a nice slice of ham?"
"At your wedding, Father," said Rabbi Ginsberg at once.

Two new prisoners were shown to their cell.
"How long are you in for?" asked the first.
"Eighteen years," replied the second. "How about you?"
"Twenty-five years. So since your getting out first, you'd better have the bed by the door."

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times, I'll bet I could give it for you."
Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about antimatter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.
Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."

A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, "I think I'll just go and shoot myself."
The sergeant said, "Better take a couple of extra bullets!"