Jokes :)

Quote of the Day
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like and do what you'd rather not.

An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!"
The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?"
The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken."
The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves."
The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?"
"Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'.


The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."
The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.


A man came storming out of the courthouse ranting and raving; obviously really angry . He stomped accross the street and into the bar and flounced down on a stool muttering, "Asshole attorneys".
The man next to him recoiled in outrage saying "I want you to know I highly resent that remark".
"Why, are you an attorney?"
"No, I'm an asshole."