Quote of the DayI always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, "Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.""The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm not Saint Peter and second, you really don't know where you are at all, do you ?"
An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?""Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action.""Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?""1955, ma'am.""Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?"Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
A lawyer had successfully handled a difficult law case for a wealthy friend. Following the happy outcome of the case, the friend and client called on the lawyer, expressed his appreciation of his work and handed him a handsome Moroccan leather wallet.The lawyer looked at the wallet in astonishment and handed it back with a sharp reminder that a wallet could not possible compensate him for his services. "My fee for that work," acidly snapped the attorney, "is five hundred dollars."The client opened the wallet, removed a one-thousand dollar bill, replaced it with a five-hundred dollar bill and handed it back to the lawyer with a smile.
