Quote of the Day
Any man who thinks marriage is a 50/50 proposition proves that: either he knows nothing at all about percentages, (or) he's got an awful lot to learn about both women and marriage.
At a bridal shower, each guest was asked to introduce herself and tell everyone how she met Amber, the bride-to-be."I met Amber while dating her brother Ron," the first young woman said. The second person gave the same answer. The third said she was Ron's current girlfriend.An older woman was next. "It's nice to meet all of you ladies," she announced with a grin. "But I think I'd really rather meet Ron."
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. The he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.""Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked."Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it."
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse, named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."
The company president called the chief security guard into his office."Chuck, we've received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don't belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop."Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, "I'm sorry, Sir. I won't' do it again."The company president said, "I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that."Chuck's face lit up. "Ms Jones?!!!! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting was complaining!!!!"
