Jokes :)

Quote of the Day
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.

A girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, "When did this happen?"
She replied, "Last week."
The police then asked, "Why did you wait until now to report it?" Well," she said. "I didn't know that I was assaulted until the check bounced."

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. “Would it be right,” he asked, “for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?”
“Absolutely not!” replied the pastor, disappointed that Frank would even ask such a question.
“In that case,” said the young man, “I wonder if you’d consider returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July.”

A man had a siamese cat that howled all night, every night. The sleepless man concluded that the cat has too much testosterone and took him to the vet to be castrated. To the great surprise of the man and all his neighbors, the cat continued howling.
"Why are you doing it now?" they asked the cat.
"Now I am a consultant."

The great mathematician John Von Neumann was consulted by a group who was building a rocket ship to send into outer space. When he saw the incomplete structure, he asked, "Where did you get the plans for this ship?"
He was told, "We have our own staff of engineers."
He disdainfully replied: "Engineers! Why, I have complete sewn up the whole mathematical theory of rocketry. See my paper of 1952."
Well, the group consulted the 1952 paper, completely scrapped their 10 million dollar structure, and rebuilt the rocket exactly according to Von Neumann's plans. The minute they launched it, the entire structure blew up. They angrily called Von Neumann back and said: "We followed your instructions to the letter. Yet when we started it, it blew up! Why?"
Von Neumann replied, "Ah, yes; that is technically known as the blow-up problem - I treated that in my paper of 1954."