Jokes :)

Quote of the Day
Men are conservative after dinner.

After insulting the female genie from the magic bottle, Carlos makes his wish: "To wake up with 3 women in my bed."
She says, "So be it!" and disappears back into the bottle.
The next morning, Carlos wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hillary Clinton. His "little fried" is gone, his leg is broken and he has no health insurance.

The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher to began his sermon when two masked men burst into the church and said "Whoever is not willing to take a bullet for Jesus better leave now." More than half of the congregation jumped up and ran out the door.
The two men took off their masks, sat in the front row and said, "Okay, Reverend, you can preach now. All the hyprocrites are gone."

Daughter called her mother at work to say she received a call from "Josh" at the bank regarding her account. So, mother called her bank and the operator asked her what Josh's last name was. She explained that he hadn't left his last name. When she asked for his department, the woman said that she didn't know.
"There are 1500 employees in this building, ma'am," she told her rather sharply.
So the woman asked her for her name.
"Danielle," she said.
"And your last name?"
"Sorry," she replied, "we're not allowed to give last names."

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After buying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable". The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, "comfortable?'"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slow - "Com-for-da-bul"!