Jokes :)

Quote of the Day
Don't worry about temptation - as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.

Miles Dobson was away from home on business in another city. When he called home, his wife told him, "Miles, they had your name in the obits today."
"What! In the obituary column! That's not only disgraceful but bad journalism. I'll sue 'em."
"Tell me, Miles," his wife asked tremulously, "wh...wh...where are you calling from?"

It had been a bad day for the foreman. Everything had gone wrong. He came to the end of his rope when he entered the shop to find the men loafing for the third time that day.
"Why is it," he exploded, "that whenever I come into this shop, I find you men loafing?"
"Probably" confessed one of the culprits, "because you wear tennis shoes."

Jimmy: "Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special."
Mike: "To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird."
"What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?"
"Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a parrot fish."
"Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish."
"That's what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?"

A woman was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing. After awhile, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"
The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible."
He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?"
She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible."
He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"
The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him."
"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.
"Then you can ask him," replied the lady.