Jokes :)

Quote of the Day
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on; it is
never of any use to oneself.

A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong
well after midnight when one of the players returned from
the bathroom with an urgent report.
"Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen
making love to your wife."
"OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last deal."

A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein, "Tell me, Becky, have you heard by chance what's going on in Rome?"
"No," said Mrs Finkelstein. "I haven't. What's going on in Rome?"
"A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other things, decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus."
Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows. "Indeed? And who is responsible, then?"
"I'm not sure," said Mrs. Moskowitz. "I think they suspect the Puerto Ricans."

A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassing
a young girl as she walked by the construction site.
She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking.
Annoyed the worker yelled "Well you're an ugly bitch anyway!"
The girl turned around and replied, "It must be terrible when
even an ugly bitch won't give you the time of day?"

During the 'rush hour' at Houston's Hobby Airport, a flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. The passengers were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find a third gate had been designated for them.
After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as they were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard announcement, 'We apologise for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., then you should 'deplane' at this time.'
A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. 'Sorry,' he said, wrong plane.'