Funny Joke Site

Funny Holiday Cards

2011-11-15T01:35:00.000-08:00

If you're interested in doing something different this year around holiday season, consider sending out funny holiday Cards. It's one of the best ways to add cheer and joy to the air with friends and family, or even clients if you want to send humorous business holiday cards.

To create your own funny holiday cards, you'll need to first decide what type of material you want to use to print your cards. The selection is vast, so you'll want to research it a little before setting anything in stone. If you're creating a lot of cards, you might be able to save a considerable amount of money simply by printing your cards on a slightly lighter cardstock. The heavier the cardstock, the more expensive you cards will be.

Once you've decided on the cardstock, consider how you want your card to look – some might opt to print the funny elements on the front, while others might opt to print everything on the inside. Remember, there's no right or wrong when it comes to this, so have fun and enjoy the creative process. If you're not sure, ask your print specialists for their recommendation – many companies offer highly experienced professionals with a knack for creative projects. In addition, if interested in adding Christmas related graphics or fonts, ask to see the selections available.

There are lots of funny holiday card templates available online. You can also order printed holiday cards online. If you are a business that sends lots of holiday cards in a rush, many of the online printers have printing and mailing option: they can send cards to your clients directly.

Sending funny holiday Cards can help share a laugh and bring your friends and family closer in a lighthearted fashion, so if you feel those around you need a good laugh, consider sending them a funny Christmas card.

Funny Cat!

2009-01-22T08:57:00.000-08:00

Eyes and Lips

2008-09-09T09:16:00.001-07:00

Life in Space

2007-11-14T23:35:00.001-08:00

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Great Pics From My Other Site

2007-11-13T02:36:00.000-08:00

Cool Ads

Russian Former President Boris Yeltsin in Action

2007-10-12T01:47:00.000-07:00

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Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

2007-10-10T08:49:00.000-07:00

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

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Game- Monkey Kick Off

2007-09-28T07:00:00.001-07:00

Help Monkey kick the giant coconut all the way to the Monkey Village!

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Game- Snow Line

2007-09-28T06:51:00.000-07:00

Help Santa Claus collect the presents ready for delivery on Christmas Eve

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Animated Walls

2007-09-20T05:29:00.000-07:00

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Jokes :)

2007-09-07T14:01:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Young Amanpreet never quite got over his miserable
childhood as an orphan in the ghetto. When he turned 18 he joined the Marines, but old habits die hard and one night the sergeant found him rummaging around the garbage and eating out of the discarded cans and jars.
"On your free, Lizard Pecker," he bellowed. "You'll eat in
the message hall - you're no better than the rest of us!"

I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she'd solved the problem by turning off the lights.
A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines."

Two beggars are sitting on the pavement in Ireland. One is holding a large Cross and the other a large Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by, they lift their noses at the guy holding the Star of David but drop money in the other guy’s hat. Soon one hat is nearly full whilst the other hat is empty.
A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the guy with the Star of David and says, "Don't you realize that this is a Christian country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."
The guy holding the Star of David then turns to the guy holding the Cross and says, "Hymie, look who's trying to teach us Marketing."

Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride, from Dayton, Ohio, to Washington, DC. A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each grandson a bag.
The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why not?" replied the curious brother "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."

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Insane 747-400 Landing

2007-09-06T03:37:00.001-07:00

Five Secrets to Bad Search Engine Rankings

2007-09-06T02:00:00.000-07:00

There are lots of tips out there on optimizing your site for search engines, but one of the key things is to avoid doing things that sabotage your efforts to get great search engine rankings. In case you hate getting visitors, like to end up on page 20 of Google results for your site’s keywords, and prefer to be a starving blogger, here are five secrets to bad search engine rankings:

1. Ramble in your blog posts - Hey, who needs a topic? I mean, it’s your blog and if you want to cover politics, sex, celebrities and that weird dream you had last night, all in one post, who’s to stop you? Have fun. I’m not sure what title you’d give it, but I’m sure lots of people are searching for terms like “my random thoughts today.”

2. Only write about what’s relevant right now - Evergreen content’s for sissies! I’m sure lots of people still want to know about Tom and Katie’s wedding, or the 2004 U.S. presidential election. By the time your post gets spidered by the search engines, no one will be searching for those hyper-timely items. C’est la vie!

3. Be anti-social - Don’t link to other bloggers. Don’t have a blogroll. Don’t comment in other blogs. Don’t join groups at social bookmarking sites like StumbleUpon. You are a blog island unto yourself. I’m sure you have the lack of inbound links to prove it.

4. Don’t do keyword research - What are you, a librarian? You just wanna blog, so just blog. Who cares if more people are about twice as likely to search for the term photo than the term picture? You want people to work really hard to find you so they earn a spot as a reader.

5. Write sporadically - You want to keep those readers, and those search engines, guessing. Don’t post daily or even weekly. Just post when the mood strikes you. Maybe it’s daily this week, and then you go a month without posting. Hopefully, the search engine will spider your blog right when you’ve had a long delay. That way, you can be sure the creepy spider stays away for a nice long time. And as a bonus, you will be sure readers get turned off. Seeing a most recent posting date that is, well, dated, is oh-so enticing.

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I Can Read This! Can You?

2007-09-04T08:08:00.000-07:00

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 of 100 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

22 Mistakes in Movie "Transformers"

2007-09-04T05:53:00.000-07:00

Continuity: In the scene when Scorponok first attacks the soldiers, he kills a soldier wearing glasses and a boonie hat, but the same soldier reappears running down the hill as Scorponok jumps out of the sand.

Continuity: During the scene in which the four autobots crash-land, one of them lands in a field after bouncing off a ridge. In the next shot, Sam and Mikaela walk over and watch the autobot start to transform.
However, this can't be possible. All four autobots flew over Sam and Mikaela as they were standing in front of the building with Bumblebee, so they would have to walk through the field that the autobot landed in in order to see it. Also the distance that the autobot travelled once it hit the floor must have been a good few hundred metres, which would take several minutes to walk through, by which time the autobot would have been long gone. For example, the one that landed in the DVD store transformed and was gone within a couple of minutes, before the kids with the camcorder got there.

Continuity: when Maggie steals the info and puts it on an sd card, she waves down a cab, the next shot is a different cab dropping her off.

Visible crew/equipment: When Sam is talking to Mikaela's boyfriend, you can see the camera and crew reflected in the Hummers mirrors.

Revealing: When Blackout is destroying the base in Qatar, a few Humvees get flipped over, and none of them have engines in them.

Visible crew/equipment: During the scene when Sam, is telling the story of his grandfather and at the same time trying to sell his grandfather's items, you can see the boom mic just above his head.

Continuity: In the scene in the interrogation room with the two programmers there is a big plate of doughnuts which the hacker eats very quickly. But take a look at the plate between shots when he's talking and you'll see that the amount of doughnut left on the plate varies greatly: Sometimes there's one whole doughnut left, other times, in the same conversation, there's only crumbs.

Continuity: In the scene where Mikaela is telling Sam about her juvie record, he puts his sweater on. When it jumps to the next shot his sweater is on his shoulder. It stays on his shoulder for the next couple of shots, and then it goes back on and stays on.

Factual error: In the beginning of the scene where the Decepticon is on Air force One they show a 747 but when they land and they show the Decepticon sneaking off the plane the Air Force One shown is a 707. Although you don't see the whole plane, the engines are that of a 707, long and slender versus big and round like a 747.

Continuity: When Bumblebee is captured by Sector Seven, the camera goes back to Optimus Prime talking to Mikaela and Sam. If you look at her hair, it is loose and flowing. In the next shots when Sector Seven capture them, Mikaelas hair is tied up at the back, she had no time to tie it up.

Plot hole: When one of the robots pull Sam's pants off, when they first meet Bumblebee, he wearing boxers with some kind of design on them. Later, Sam is bending over the Hoover dam, and he is very noticeably wearing different underwear, yet he has had no time whatsoever to change them. Even if he did, [which he doesn't] why wouldn't he change his clothes also?

Revealing: When Sam is driving Mikaela home, nothing at all is visible outside. The only thing visible outside of the vehicle are bright, white screens. The conditions outside are obviously right for there to be something else visible other than white screens.

Visible crew/equipment: When Sam and his friend head for the party at the lake, as they drive by the lake and the camera cranes up to show the lake, you can blatantly see the shadow of the camera on the crane moving up.

Continuity: In the scene where Sam and his parents are being arrested by the Sector 7 officers, inside the house Sam is wearing a blue Strokes t-shirt over a white long sleeved shirt. When the shot changes and Sam and his parents are being led in hand cuffs to the police cars, a brown sweatshirt is tucked between Sam's left arm and his back due to the handcuffs. In the next shot, Sam is wearing the brown sweatshirt as he says a line of dialogue. The camera cuts to Agent Simmons of Sector 7, then goes back to Sam, who is now wearing the Strokes shirt and the brown sweatshirt is draped over his left shoulder.

Continuity: In the city, after Ironhide flips over the missiles that Devastator shot at him, he can be seen falling very close to the ground, but in the next shot, he is much higher up so that he can then shoot himself back up-right.

Continuity: When Jazz uses his magnetic hand to remove some of the guns from the Sector 7 people, the guns fly into his palm, but in the next shot, his hand is down and there are no guns in his hand or on the ground. He couldn't have put his hand down or throw the guns away that fast between the shots.

Factual error: In the scene where Starsceam gets into a dogfight with the F-22's, look at the end of the wings and you see weapon pylons. F-22's don't carry their weapons on the outside, their weapons are hidden in the fuselage to reduce drag and maximize stealth. Also, throughout the scene the F-22's don't have thrust vectoring nozzles, but the F-22 is the first production fighter with these because they make the plane more manoeuvrable.

Factual error: When the F-22 Raptors attack the transformers on the ground, if you look closely, the missiles are AIM-120 AMRAAMs used strictly for Air-to-Air engagements.

Other: During the last fight, Megatron and Optimus Prime flies through an office building while locked in combat. It is shown that the interior of this building is filled with both people and furniture, but when they crash through the last wall, only building debris fall to the ground with them. No people, furniture, office supplies, papers or any of the things that the building was full of.

Visible crew/equipment: When Sam and his dad pull into the car dealership you can briefly see the camera crew in the reflection of the window.

Revealing: When Bumblebee is caught and then frozen, you can tell that he isn't animated and is rather an enormous prop, because he is a lot cleaner than his animated counter-part.

Continuity: In the scene where Sam is looking at himself in the mirror, there is a toxic waste/skull and cross bones picture under it, with a white area under that. The camera cuts, Sam does something, then it cuts again to show the mirror; now there is writing in the white area.

via MovieMistakes

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Women Explained In Diagrams

2007-08-30T16:59:00.001-07:00

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The Redneck Oil Change Checklist

2007-08-27T11:35:00.000-07:00

1. Go to O'Reillys auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.

2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.

12. Clean up.

13. Have another beer while oil is draining.

14. Look for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.

16. Beer.

17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24. Remember drain plug from step 11.

25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.

27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.

29. Begin a cussing fit.

30. Throw wrench.

31. Cuss and complain.

32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

33. Beer.

34. Beer.

35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

36. Beer.

37. Lower car from jack stands

38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands

39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.

40. Test drive car

41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.

42. Car gets impounded.

43. Make bail; get car from impound yard.

Money Spent:

$50 parts

$12 beer

$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!

$1000 Bail

$200 Impound and towing fee

Total: $1337

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Street Magic Tricks Revealed

2007-08-25T03:22:00.000-07:00

Many of you probably wonder how street magicians do their tricks. Here are the explanations. Watch, learn and impress your friends:

Video 1
* Ash on palm
* Vanishing coin
* The card you imagined
* Arm twist (explanation in next video)

Video 2
* Arm twist
* Rising card
* Mind Reading
* Spades
* Another Mind Reading

Video 3
* Name burn
* Resurrection
* Time machine

Video 4
* Moving match
* Hole in the coin

Video 5
* Head off the dove
* Levitation

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Rising Card Trick Revealed

2007-08-24T06:07:00.001-07:00

I saw this video, where magician chooses random card, puts it back in the pack, and the chosen card mysticaly rises up

There is no magic

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Top 20 geek quotes, sayings and phrases

2007-08-23T06:08:00.000-07:00

1. There is no place like 127.0.0.1

2. There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don’t.

3. Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken

4. You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead

5. I had a dream… and there were 1’s and 0’s everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!

6. Roses are #FF0000,
Violets are #0000FF.
All my base
Are belong to you.

7. If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0

8. I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code

9. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…

10. A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those?

11. The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed LINUX.

12. Windows 98 supports real multitasking - it can boot and crash simultaneously

13. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

14. My Software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

15. The speed of sound is defined by the distance from door to computer divided by the time interval needed to close the media player and pull up your pants when your mom shouts “OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!

16. The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it’s twice as big as it needs to be.

17. Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers

18. Computers are incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid; humans are incredibly slow, inaccurate and brilliant; together they are powerful beyond imagination. — Albert Einstein

19. 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d

20. I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly

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The Ugliest Face I Have Ever Seen

2007-08-23T05:59:00.001-07:00

This is so wrong...

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Egg In The Hole- Breakfrast Threat

2007-08-23T01:07:00.001-07:00

Jokes :)

2007-08-23T01:05:00.001-07:00

Quote of the Day
The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.

Three construction workers were down town working on a high-rise. A black guy, a Mexican, and a Polish guy. Come lunch time, the three sit down together on a beam and open their lunchboxes. The black guy opens his box and finds chicken wings and grits. "Man, I hate this crap. I've been eating this stuff since I was a kid."
The Mexican opens his box and finds burritos and rice. "Me too man. I've had to eat this sh.t since I was little too."
The Polish guy opens his box and finds a PB&J sandwich. "I'm with you guys. I've been eating this stuff for way too long."
A week later, the three workers were up on the 30th floor. Come lucnch time, the three sit down together on the beam and open thier lunchboxes. The black guy opens his, and sure enough, chicken wings and grits. "Son of a bi..h. I swear, if I get this crap one more time, I'm jumping."
The Mexican opens his box, and there it is, burritos and rice. "Me too man. I'm sick of this crap. If I get this crap again, I'm jumping too."
The Polish guy opens his box, and sure enough, a PB&J sandwich. "I'm with you guys. If I get another one of these damn sandwiches, I'm jumping with you two."
A week passes, and the three are working on the 50th floor. Lunch time comes, and the three sit down together. The black guy opens his box, sees the chicken wings and grits. Standing up, he says goodbye to his friends and jumps to his death.
The Mexican opens his box, and sure enough, burritos and rice. Saying goodbye to his friend, he too, jumps to his death.
The Polish guy opens his box, sees the PB&J sandwich, and jumps to his death as well.
A few days later at the funeral, the wives of the three workers were standing around and condoling each other. "I just don't get." the black guy's wife said. "He never told me he didn't like chicken wings or grits."
"I know," the Mexican's wife said. "He never told me about the burritos or rice. I would have gladly made him something else."
As the two talked, they noticed that the Polish guy's wife was still crying her eyes out. "There, there, dear. It'll be alright." they said to her.
"I-I just don't understand it," she cried. "I mean, each day he made his own damn lunch."

Dear Heavenly Father,
I think you'd be proud of me! So far today I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, lusted, lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. Praise Your Name! I'm grateful for Your grace...
But Lord, a few minutes from now, I'm getting out of bed... From then on I'm going to need a lot MORE of Your help!

Little Emily ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break.
"What's wrong, dear?" asked her father.
"My doll! Billy broke it!" she sobbed.
"How did he break it, Emily?"
"I hit him over the head with it."

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Pimp My Ride

2007-08-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

And You Wonder Why Women Choose To Stay Alone?

2007-08-20T07:29:00.000-07:00

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Where Should We Meet Today?

2007-08-20T05:09:00.000-07:00

Jokes :)

2007-08-20T04:54:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Luke's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products she asked, "Darling, honestly what age would you say I am?"Looking over her carefully, Luke replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty-five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Luke interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."

A judge scowled down at a repeat offender before him. "Haven't I seen you in here many times already? And didn't I tell you that I never wanted to see you in here again?"
"Yes, Your Honor," the defendant replied. "That's exactly what I told the police officer, but he insisted I come in
anyway!"

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"

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Not enough?

2007-08-20T04:51:00.000-07:00

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Cat Grows Wings After Being Sexually Harassed

2007-08-16T06:41:00.000-07:00

A Chinese woman claims her cat has grown wings.

Granny Feng's tom cat has sprouted two hairy 4ins long wings, reports the Huashang News.

"At first, they were just two bumps, but they started to grow quickly, and after a month there were two wings," she said.

Feng, of Xianyang city, Shaanxi province, says the wings, which contain bones, make her pet look like a 'cat angel'.

Her explanation is that the cat sprouted the wings after being sexually harassed.

"A month ago, many female cats in heat came to harass him, and then the wings started to grow," she said.

However, experts say the phenomenon is more likely down to a gene mutation, and say it shouldn't prevent the cat living a normal life.

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125 Interesting Real Facts

2007-08-16T06:16:00.002-07:00

1 -69% Americans use Internet & 5.5% Indians only.

2 -El Azizia in Libya recorded a temperature of 136 degrees Fahrenheit (57.8 Celsius) on Sept. 13, 1922 - the hottest ever measured.

3 -Plastics take 500 years to break down.

4 -America has 30.30% airports of the world & India has only 0.70%.

5 -There are roughly 4,000 known minerals, although only about 200 are of major importance.

6 -The total surface area of the Earth is 197 million square miles.

7 -Crocodile only animal & reptile that sheds tear while eating.

8 -The world’s deadliest recorded earthquake occurred in 1557 in central China, more than 830,000 people were killed.

9 -Angel Falls in Venezuela is the worlds highest waterfall, The water of Falls drops 3,212 feet (979 meters).

10 -The sunrays reached at the earth in 8 minutes & 3 seconds.

11 -8.7 million of United State residents who were born in Asia.

12 -The world’s population has been increased 3.1 billion in last 40 years.

13 -180 million nos. of Valentine’s Day cards exchanged annually, making Valentine’s Day the second-most popular greeting-card-giving occasion.

14 -3,467 Nos. of confectionery nut stores in the United States, they are among the best sources of sweets for Valentine’s Day.

15 -4% people drink cold drink daily.

16 -Traffic lights are being used before the invention of motor car.

17 -More than 50 million Americans said they had a disability; for 32.5 million of them, the disability was severe.

18 -About 40% Proportion of all Valentine card purchases which parents account for.

19 -First Stock Exchange of America was in Philadelphia & it was established in 1791.

20 -Girls however are slightly more likely than boys to use home computers for e-mail, word processing and completing school assignments than playing games.

21 -A normal person laughs five times in a day.

22 -Approximate 300 million film tickets are sold every year in India.

23 -In Britain 70% mothers go for work.

24 -More artists live in California than any other state in the United States. There are 10,000 arts organizations in California.

25 -Alfred Southwick developed the idea of using electric current & Professionally he was a Dentist (MDS, DDS).

26 -A man says average 4850 words in 24 hours.

27 -The world's populaton is approximately 6.53 billion (2006), India & China represent 36.92% of the world's populations.

28 -Look at your zipper. See the initials YKK? It stands for Yoshida Kogyo kabushikigaisha, the world's largest zipper manufacturer.

29 -40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

30 -315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

31 -Chocolate can be killed dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.

32 -Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.

33 -Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.

34 -Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

35 -There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

36 -Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors.

37 -Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.

38 -The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!

39 -By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.

40 -Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

41 -Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

42 -The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

43 -Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

44 -Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.

45 -The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

46 -To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, prick your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.

47 -The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

48 -The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.

49 -The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.

50 -Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

51 -The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

52 -Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".

53 -It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

54 -In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your fingers off".

55 -A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head.

56 -We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.

57 -Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines.

58 -Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.

59 -Brains are more active in sleeping than watching TV.

60 -Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.

61 -When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying "yes" in Sri Lanka.

62 -There are more chickens than people in the world.

63 -The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.

64 -There are more telephones than people in Washington, D.C.

65 -The average four year-old child asks over four hundred questions a day.

66 -The average person presses the snooze button on their alarm clock three Times each morning.

67 -The three wealthiest families in the world have more assets than the Combined wealth of the forty-eight poorest nations.

68 -The first owner of the Marlboro cigarette Company died of lung cancer.

69 -Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

70 -The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

71 -Our eyes remain the same size from birth onward, but our noses and ears Never stop growing.

72 -You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.

73 -A normal person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a Few weeks.

74 -Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

75 -The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.

76 -When the moon is directly overhead, you weigh slightly less.

77 -Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never telephoned His wife or mother because they were both deaf.

78 -A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a Carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After Weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe Leaving her mentally retarded

79 -Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking Countries because Colgate translates into the command "go hang Yourself."

80 -Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

81 -"Bookkeeper" is the only word in English language with three consecutive Double letters.

82 -The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every Letter in the English language.

83 -If the population of China walked past you in single line, the line Would never end because of the rate of reproduction

84 -China has more English speakers than the United States.

85 -Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell.

86 -Each square inch of human skin consists of twenty feet of blood vessels.

87 -An average person uses the bathroom 6 times per day.

88 -Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our Bodies.

89 -Beards are the fastest growing hairs on the human body. If the average Man never trimmed his beard, it would grow to nearly 30 feet long in his Lifetime.

90 -According to Genesis 1:20-22, the chicken came before the egg.

91 -The longest place name still in use is: Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotameteaturi- Pukakpikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu - a New Zealand hill.

92 -If you leave Tokyo by plane at 7:00am, you will arrive in Honolulu at Approximately 4:30pm the previous day.

93 -Scientists in Australia's Parkes Observatory thought they had positive Proof of alien life, when they began picking up radio-waves from space. However, after investigation, the radio emissions were traced to a Microwave in the building.

94 -More than 40,000 parasites and 250 types of bacteria are exchanged during a French kiss.

95 -Men can read smaller print than women, but women can hear better.

96 -Coca-Cola was originally green.

97 -The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

98 -There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

99 -TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

100 -Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!

101 -You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

102 -It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

103 -The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

104 -If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

105 -Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

106 -111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

107 -If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.

108 -If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.

109 -If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

110 -Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this? Ans. - Honey

111 -A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

112 -A snail can sleep for three years.

113 -All polar bears are left handed.

114 -American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

115 -Butterflies taste with their feet.

116 -Elephants are the only mammal that can't jump.

117 -In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

118 -On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

119 -Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

120 -Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

121 -The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

122 -The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

123 -Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

124 -The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

125 -Most lipstick contains fish scales.

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Did He Need Chair?

2007-08-16T06:16:00.001-07:00

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Can You Solve This?

2007-08-16T05:57:00.000-07:00

50 Interesting Science Facts

2007-08-16T05:15:00.000-07:00

1 – The speed of light is generally rounded down to 186,000 miles per second. In exact terms it is 299,792,458 m/s (equal to 186,287.49 miles per second).

2 – It takes 8 minutes 17 seconds for light to travel from the Sun’s surface to the Earth.

3 – 10 percent of all human beings ever born are alive at this very moment.

4 – The Earth spins at 1,000 mph but it travels through space at an incredible 67,000 mph.

5 – Every year, over one million earthquakes shake the Earth.

6 – When Krakatoa erupted in 1883, its force was so great it could be heard 4,800 kilometers away in Australia.

7 – Every second around 100 lightning bolts strike the Earth.

8 – Every year lightning kills 1000 people.

9 – In October 1999 an Iceberg the size of London broke free from the Antarctic ice shelf .

10 – If you could drive your car straight up you would arrive in space in just over an hour.

11 – Human tapeworms can grow up to 22.9m.

12 – The Earth is 4.56 billion years old…the same age as the Moon and the Sun.

13 – The dinosaurs became extinct before the Rockies or the Alps were formed.

14 – Female black widow spiders eat their males after mating.

15 – When a flea jumps, the rate of acceleration is 20 times that of the space shuttle during launch.

16 – If our Sun were just inch in diameter, the nearest star would be 445 miles away.

17 – Astronauts cannot belch – there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.

18 – The air at the summit of Mount Everest, 29,029 feet is only a third as thick as the air at sea level.

19 – One million, million, million, million, millionth of a second after the Big Bang the Universe was the size of a …pea.

20 – DNA was first discovered in 1869 by Swiss Friedrich Mieschler.

21 – The molecular structure of DNA was first determined by Watson and Crick in 1953.

22 – The first synthetic human chromosome was constructed by US scientists in 1997.

23 – The thermometer was invented in 1607 by Galileo.

24 – Alfred Nobel invented dynamite in 1866.

25 – Wilhelm Rontgen won the first Nobel Prize for physics for discovering X-rays in 1895.

26 – The tallest tree ever was an Australian eucalyptus – In 1872 it was measured at 435 feet tall.

27 – Christian Barnard performed the first heart transplant in 1967 – the patient lived for 18 days.

28 – An electric eel can produce a shock of up to 650 volts.

29 – ‘Wireless’ communications took a giant leap forward in 1962 with the launch of Telstar, the first satellite capable of relaying telephone and satellite TV signals.

30 – The Ebola virus kills 4 out of every 5 humans it infects.

31 – In 5 billion years the Sun will run out of fuel and turn into a Red Giant.

32 – Giraffes often sleep for only 20 minutes in any 24 hours. They may sleep up to 2 hours (in spurts – not all at once), but this is rare. They never lie down.

33 – There are 60,000 miles of blood vessels in the human body.

34 – An individual blood cell takes about 60 seconds to make a complete circuit of the body.

35 – On the day that Alexander Graham Bell was buried the entire US telephone system was shut down for 1 minute in tribute.

36 – The low frequency call of the humpback whale is the loudest noise made by a living creature.

37 – A quarter of the world’s plants are threatened with extinction by the year 2010.

38 – Each person sheds 40lbs of skin in his or her lifetime.

39 – At 15 inches the eyes of giant squids are the largest on the planet.

40 – The Universe contains over 100 billion galaxies.

41 – Wounds infested with maggots heal quickly and without spread of gangrene or other infection.

42 – More germs are transferred shaking hands than kissing.

43 – The fastest speed a falling raindrop can hit you is 18mph.

44 – It would take over an hour for a heavy object to sink 6.7 miles down to the deepest part of the ocean.

45 – Around a million, billion neutrinos from the Sun will pass through your body while you read this sentence.

46 – The deepest part of any ocean in the world is the Mariana trench in the Pacific with a depth of 35,797 feet.

47 – Every hour the Universe expands by a billion miles in all directions.

48 – Somewhere in the flicker of a badly tuned TV set is the background radiation from the Big Bang.

49 – Even traveling at the speed of light it would take 2 million years to reach the nearest large galaxy, Andromeda.

50 – A thimbleful of a neutron star would weigh over 100 million tons.

Amazing Vision Of Famous Animated Heroes

2007-08-14T05:32:00.001-07:00

Jokes :)

2007-08-14T05:27:00.001-07:00

Quote of the Day
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and arranging to have her killed. A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure who went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid something up front. The man opened up his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Publix grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by hidden camera and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband. And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared: "ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT PUBLIX!".

A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a graveyard. It is raining heavily and very dark. The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and has made it too slippery to climb. He gives up after a while and decides to spend the night there.
A while later, another drunk leaves the same bar and
decides to take the same shortcut through the graveyard. He, too, falls into that open grave and tries to climb out but the mud is too slippery. The first drunk is still sitting there and watches as the other drunk tries but fails to get out. The first drunk stands up, taps the second drunk on the shoulder and tells him, "You'll never get out!".
He did.

A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!".
The cop said, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Beer and women!"

Weird World

2007-08-14T01:41:00.000-07:00

Minesweeper The Movie

2007-08-09T07:21:00.001-07:00

What If These Celebrities Had Children?

2007-08-09T06:25:00.000-07:00

Jokes :)

2007-08-09T06:24:00.002-07:00

Quote of the Day
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Two farmers were driving their tractor down the middle of a country road. A car comes around the corner backs hard to avoid them, skids, tumbles twice and lands in a field. Jimmy say to Eamonn, "It's just as well we got out of that field."

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded, dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are rude, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel - it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke to me."
"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"
"He said, 'Where'd you get the lousy haircut?'"

Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary."
"I don't believe it for one minute !" Marie snapped."You're just saying that to make me jealous !!!"

Actual stories provided by travel agents

2007-08-09T06:24:00.001-07:00

1. I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

2. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost information, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

3. I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response was "click."

4. A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

5. I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said, "But they look so close on the map."

6. Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

7. A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

8. A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description
on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while "I looked into it," (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained that the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

9. I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.

10. "A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

11. A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double-checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

Jessica the Hippo

2007-08-02T03:37:00.000-07:00

Jessica the Hippo has made herself a member of this South African family. And they have pretty much adopted her as their own!

Everybody Knows This

2007-07-30T04:06:00.000-07:00

That Was Only In The Past...

2007-07-30T04:04:00.000-07:00

Jokes :)

2007-07-30T01:34:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

Mrs.O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "and how is Mrs.O'Donovan? Didn't I marry you two years ago?" She replied "That you did Father."
The priest asked, "And are there any little ones yet?" "No, not yet Father," said she.
"Well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you."
"Thank you, Father." And away she went.
A few years later they met again. "Well, now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?"
"Oh, very well," said she.
"And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?" "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles -- ten in all."
"Now isn't that wonderful," he said "And how is your lovely husband?"
"Oh," she said, "he's gone to Rome. To blow out the damn candle!"

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash. She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls around, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. The drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of vomit, and slurs, "I don't remember eating that!"

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps certain people out of medical school."

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster, one that could service all of his many hens. He told this to the market vendor. The vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you. Here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"
So the farmer took Dom back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Dom a little pep talk.
"Dom", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff."
And without a word Dom strutted into the henhouse. Dom was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Dom had finished having his way with each hen. But Dom didn't stop there. He went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pighouse, where he did the same.
The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Dom,you'll kill yourself."
But Dom continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Dom lying there n his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Dom. The farmer walked up to Dom saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you my little buddy."
"Shhhhh," Dom whispered. "The buzzard's getting closer."

Homework Excuses

2007-07-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

1. Last night I got temporary amnesia and I totally forgot!
2. My older sister couldn't find her same homework from last year.
3. The dog did it for me, but it was in his language.
4. The paper airplane I made out of it accidentally flew out the window.
5. I fell asleep on it and when I woke up all my drool smudged all the ink.
6. It is here it's just in invisible ink!
7. Satan told me not to do it!
8. I'm at school?!?!? I thought this was an AA meeting.
9. My dad's pen ran out of ink.
10. My Mom ate my homework!

Wrong Ball, Coach!

2007-07-28T00:22:00.000-07:00

Taxi

2007-07-28T00:19:00.001-07:00

Sadomasochism since childhood

2007-07-28T00:16:00.000-07:00

Protection

2007-07-28T00:10:00.001-07:00

Jokes :)

2007-07-28T00:09:00.001-07:00

Quote of the Day
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"
"No," he replied, "I've never done either."
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.
"No, I've never done any of those things either."
"Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"

The farmer and his wife had worked hard, they scrimped and saved to send their son to college. As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large mustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new hirsute adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.
On the back of the photo he scrawled, "How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?"
Shortly after, the son received this terse note: "You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell!"

Seamus was walking along the coast of Galway early one morning with a bit of a sore head when he tripped over something in the sand. Reaching down, he picked up a lamp and starting rubbing it. There was a huge crack of thunder, an awesome amount of smoke, and lo and behold, a genie appeared.
"Mornin' boyo," said the genie. "For releasing me from two thousand years of bondage, I'll be grantin' ya three wishes."
"Isn't this grand," said Seamus. "Can I have a pint of Guinness?"
"Sure of course ye can," said the genie. And poof! a pint appeared in Seamus's hand. Seamus starting sipping away at the pint. "For the love o' Jaysus, this has to be the best pint I've ever been tasting."
"Of course it is," said the genie. "I'm an Irish genie, after all, and I do know a bit about pints. Now, let's get on with business. You've got two more wishes left, and I haven't got all day!"
"Now just be bidin' yer time," said Seamus. "I want to enjoy me pint."
"Ah," said the genie. "That's a magic pint."
"And what do ye be meanin' by that?" asked Seamus.
"Well," said the genie, "as soon as it's done, it'll fill right back up again just as good as the first."
"Is that so," said Seamus, finishing off the pint. Sure enough, back up it came, and when he tasted it, it really was every bit as good.
"Now," said the genie, "about those other two wishes?"
"Ah," said Seamus, "I'll have two more o' these!"

Strange Hospital Chart Notations

2007-07-28T00:07:00.000-07:00

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The skin was moist and dry.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.

Examination reveals a well-developed male laying in bed with his family in no distress.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Sense- The Picture Makes None

2007-07-28T00:04:00.000-07:00

Hot Chick With Nice Pussy

2007-07-23T06:58:00.000-07:00

Not what you thought...

What I Learned From Bush

2007-07-23T06:24:00.000-07:00

Click on the image to enlarge it

Double Gore

2007-07-23T06:11:00.000-07:00

Chihuahua has heart-shaped pattern on coat

2007-07-12T22:39:00.000-07:00

A male long-coated chihuahua named "Heart-kun" with a heart-shaped pattern on his coat sits at Pucchin Dog's shop in Odate, northern Japan July 10, 2007. The one-and-a-half-month-old chihuahua was born on May 18, 2007 as one of a litter. The shop owner Emiko Sakurada said that this is the first time a puppy with these marks has been born out of a 1,000 that she has bred. She also said that she has no plans to sell the puppy.

Undressing Scarlett (Reloaded)

2007-07-12T07:38:00.000-07:00

An otter playing with a ball

2007-07-06T08:48:00.000-07:00

Would you use car for this?

2007-06-13T04:23:00.001-07:00

Click on the image to enlarge it

American, probably...

Life Editor

2007-06-12T01:03:00.000-07:00

What doctors say, and what they're really thinking

2007-06-04T06:19:00.000-07:00

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.

"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

"There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

Tomorrow I will do the housework, NO EXCUSES!!! (unless they're good ones)

2007-06-04T06:14:00.001-07:00

1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

2. If it walks out of your refrigerator, let it go!

3. The best mini-vac for an after meal clean up is the dog.

4. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

5. Never make fried chicken in the nude.

6. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.

7. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.

8. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

9. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

10. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

11. Simplify... hire a maid.

12: My second favourite household chore is ironing. My first being Hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

13. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

14. I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

15. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"

16. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

17. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."

Isn't this true? Say it! Saaaaaay it :D

2007-06-03T23:29:00.000-07:00

If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, you`r aiming too high...

Adolf Hitler's Cat Found

2007-06-01T00:07:00.000-07:00

Men rules for women

2007-05-31T05:23:00.000-07:00

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
===
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the "other one "

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Can you explain those tricks?

2007-05-17T08:02:00.000-07:00

Coin, glass and dollar trick

Ping pong ball tricks

Four cards trick

Digg This!

Firefox

2007-04-25T04:14:00.000-07:00

Funny

2007-04-25T01:17:00.000-07:00

"Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

"Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?"

"How young can you die of old age?"

"I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!""

"I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it."

"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."

"I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies." So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars.""

"Have you ever noticed, in traffic, anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac!"

"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."

"Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."

"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."

"At my age flowers scare me."

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done."

Criss Angel And Half A Woman

2007-04-25T00:51:00.000-07:00

I have seen many tricks made by Criss Angel, and I know that in most of them people were only actors. But this is the one I can't explain... Ok, there is a woman with half a body. Was that woman in this trick another example? And what happens with her feet?
Yeah, many questions.... Watch the video:

It's not easy to be a photographer...

2007-04-18T07:37:00.000-07:00

Jeremy Clarkson- It takes immense skill to waste time

2007-04-18T07:04:00.000-07:00

A report last week found that The Very Hungry Caterpillar is now the number one bedtime story for Britain’s children. But the findings also revealed that one in three parents do not read anything at all to their kids at night.

Experts say this is because grown-ups are now far too busy earning money for their metered water and their speeding fines to have much left over for the cultural needs of their young.

I’m not so sure, because last week I sat next to a thirtysomething chap at the barber’s who’d come inside, not for a haircut, but to have his hands manicured. He didn’t appear to be homosexual. In fact, because he talked at some length about his forthcoming family skiing holiday, we can presume he has young kids.

So what’s his excuse for not reading them a bedtime story? “Sorry, Octavia, there’s no Hungry Caterpillar for you tonight because Daddy spent half the day having his fingernails oiled.”

How un-busy do you have to be to think “It’s four in the afternoon on a Thursday, so I know: I’ll pop to the hairdresser’s and spend an hour or so having exotic creams rubbed into my thumbs”? And it gets worse because on the barber’s shelves, there were a million badger-hair shaving brushes. Who buys them? How empty does your life need to be before you think, “No, I won’t use a disposable razor and some foam from a can. If I use a brush, and whip up some lather of my own, I can make this shaving malarkey last for hours”? Later, in Jermyn Street, which for those of you in Arbroath is a street in London where you can buy tailored shirts and shoes made from the soft underbelly of a grey seal, I saw a prosperous looking man in a baker’s shop agonising over what sort of plumped up, crusty, almond-infused loaf he should buy. Plainly he wasn’t on a tight schedule.

Then we have a friend of mine who flew all the way to Siena to buy a selection of silk contrada flags that were then used as a lining in his next bespoke suit.

Everywhere you look these days you see people paying a fortune to waste time. It’s almost as though our lives are now so wealthy and so healthy that to inject a bit of worry and angst we trouble ourselves with the scent of the soap in the guest bedroom, or the breed of sheep from which our clothes are made.

There’s a shop near my flat in London that sells nothing but hand-knitted super-soft golfing jumpers. What moron gave the owner a loan for that? What did it say in the business plan, for heaven’s sake? “Yes. The rent is expensive in Notting Hill, but I believe there are enough people who will drive right across town, park, come into my shop, buy a £200 jumper and then go all the way home again.”

I would have told her to get lost. But someone didn’t and because the shop is still there after six months I can only presume she was right. There are enough people out there who are prepared to devote an entire afternoon to buying a jumper.

It’s not just London either. While perusing the Google Earth website the other day — it was more fun than reading the kids a bedtime story — I zoomed in on the house where I grew up. Now this is Doncaster. A town that we were told would wither and die when the mines closed.

I don’t think so, because the spy in the sky reveals that the parkland at the bottom of the garden has been converted into an 18-hole golf course.

So even there, among the out-of-work miners, there are people who have so much spare time in their lives they will spend half of it playing what’s essentially an expensive game of marbles. Doubtless in the £200 jumper they drove all the way to Notting Hill to buy.

There are now 2,500 golf courses in Britain covering half a million acres. That means golf takes up slightly less space in the nation than Carmarthenshire. And with 1.2m registered players, is about seven times more popular.

And shooting. Way back when the Tories were in power the only people who blasted away at pheasants were the idle rich and the blue bloods. Not any more. Now, for four months of the year, every wood in the land is full of people stomping about in the rain.

Today there are so many people with so much spare time on their hands that 569,000 own a shotgun certificate. And their hobby is now such big business it has created 40,000 jobs.

Then you have people who spend their free time doing surveys. One lot last week said they’d watched 168 hours of prime-time television and that gay and lesbian people were only featured for 38 minutes. How can your lives be so empty that you think this is a worthwhile use of the most precious resource you have: time? And what about the people who decided to find out why so many parents were not reading their children a bedtime story. And then came up with the wrong answer.

It has nothing to do with a lack of time, or a hectic schedule. And everything to do with the fact that The Very Hungry Caterpillar is the dullest and most stupid book in the history of literature.

Africa

2007-04-18T04:57:00.000-07:00

Looks like we don't live that bad...

Glass Floor

2007-04-17T07:36:00.000-07:00

I don't know this place, but I really would like to go there!!!

Toyota Auris 3d

2007-03-07T03:37:00.000-08:00

Jokes :)

2007-03-07T03:36:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day
Killing time murders opportunities.

The Devil tells a salesman, "Look, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any salesman alive. In fact, I can make you the greatest salesman that ever lived."
"Well," says the salesman, "what do I have to do in return?"
The Devil smiles, "Well, of course you have to give me your soul," he says, "but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children's children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity."
"Wait a minute," the salesman says cautiously, "What's the catch?"

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results. The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife."
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" asked Mr. Smith.
"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. "I've just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.
To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"
"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

Jokes :)

2007-03-01T05:05:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.

A girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, "When did this happen?"
She replied, "Last week."
The police then asked, "Why did you wait until now to report it?" Well," she said. "I didn't know that I was assaulted until the check bounced."

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. “Would it be right,” he asked, “for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?”
“Absolutely not!” replied the pastor, disappointed that Frank would even ask such a question.
“In that case,” said the young man, “I wonder if you’d consider returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July.”

A man had a siamese cat that howled all night, every night. The sleepless man concluded that the cat has too much testosterone and took him to the vet to be castrated. To the great surprise of the man and all his neighbors, the cat continued howling.
"Why are you doing it now?" they asked the cat.
"Now I am a consultant."

The great mathematician John Von Neumann was consulted by a group who was building a rocket ship to send into outer space. When he saw the incomplete structure, he asked, "Where did you get the plans for this ship?"
He was told, "We have our own staff of engineers."
He disdainfully replied: "Engineers! Why, I have complete sewn up the whole mathematical theory of rocketry. See my paper of 1952."
Well, the group consulted the 1952 paper, completely scrapped their 10 million dollar structure, and rebuilt the rocket exactly according to Von Neumann's plans. The minute they launched it, the entire structure blew up. They angrily called Von Neumann back and said: "We followed your instructions to the letter. Yet when we started it, it blew up! Why?"
Von Neumann replied, "Ah, yes; that is technically known as the blow-up problem - I treated that in my paper of 1954."

Stunt City

2007-03-01T05:04:00.000-08:00

Moto Bling Bling

2007-03-01T05:01:00.000-08:00

Summer coming...

3 Ways To Impress Your Girlfriend

2007-02-28T03:04:00.000-08:00

Way number One: To light a match with one hand

Flip the cover with your thumb, then reach your thumb around, grabbing the tip of one match. Pull it down and around the bottom of the pack until it makes contact with the 'flint.' If it doesn't reach all the way around (cheaper matches usually don't), push at the point where it connects to the rest of the matches.
Line up the tip of the match at the edge of the striking surface and crook your thumb so it points at the other edge. Very important, make sure your thumb makes contact with the tip as little as possible to minimize the surface area the flame can make contact with. A few mm from your thumbnail is good.

Way number Two: Opening a bottle with a lighter

If you find yourself with a beer that is not twist off. Hold the beer firmly by the neck, with the end of your cigarette lighter between your index finger and the cap.
The idea is to create a fulcrum out of your finger, and a lever out of your lighter. Push down quick on the end or the lighter, and the cap should pop right off. It takes a little practice, but once you get the hang of it, it works like a charm.

Way number Three: How to win a fight

How to win a Fight: if you're right-handed, keep small change in your left pocket. If you think you might have to knock some jackass out, take the change and toss it at his groin. He'll automatically react to that by covering the groin, and when he does, blast him with the right. In most fights, whoever gets in the first hit is going to win. Keep hitting until the guy goes down, then get the fuck out of dodge. You don't want him coming back with his friends. Or a bat. If you get stuck wrestling around with someone, remember: the body goes where the head goes.

HEAD OF ICEBERG LETTUCE - but it´s a safe!

2007-02-28T01:28:00.000-08:00

You have never seen anything like this - but it is one of the latest security gadgets - and it is so cool!

It is a realistic looking head of Iceberg Lettuce, and has a hidden compartment.

Thieves will never dream of looking in this head of Iceberg Lettuce for valuables!

Place this realistic head of Iceberg Lettuce in your refrigerator in the vegetable compartment with your most valuable small items
inside for safe-keeping.

The bottom snaps off to reveal a secret hiding place. The ideal way to protect cash, jewelry and other valuables while at home or traveling.

Thieves will never dream of looking in this book for valuables, now that you have the opportunity to buy this unique protection of your valuables.

Talent In Action

2007-02-27T02:39:00.000-08:00

Positive Proof Of Global Warming

2007-02-23T00:07:00.000-08:00

Jokes :)

2007-02-23T00:06:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, "Did I screw up the cooking..."
"No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."

A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time. The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".

The police have rounded up some suspects for a identification line up for a rape suspect. When the lady walks in to pick out the suspect the guy shouts,"That's her! That's her!"

An artist had been working on a nude portrait for a long time. Every day, he was up early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush. As each day passed, he gained a better understanding of the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine.
After a month, the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided to take it easy for the day. Since his model had already shown up, he suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk - since normally he preferred to do his painting in silence.
They talked for a few hours, getting to know each other better. Then as they were sipping their claret, the artist heard a car arriving outside. He jumped up and said, "Oh no! It's my wife! Quick, take off your clothes!"

An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old".
"Where did you get this exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old."

Professional Training Program

2007-02-22T02:51:00.000-08:00

This is one of the funniest video clips I have ever seen- tonns of laugh guaranted

Family Guy - Best of Stewie

2007-02-20T08:54:00.000-08:00

Which console will succeed in 2007?

2007-02-20T00:40:00.000-08:00

Click on picture to enlarge it

Cat Playing Piano

2007-02-15T22:48:00.000-08:00

Take the piano, one cat and leave them in single room for one month (don't forget to feed him). What happens after month? The cat is playing piano... Not bad!

Cell Phone Sex

2007-02-14T01:20:00.000-08:00

Click on the picture to enlarge it

Castro asked US president for $10

2007-02-13T23:24:00.000-08:00

In 1940, 12-year-old Cuban boy Fidel Castro wrote to US President Franklin Roosevelt to request a $10 note.

The hand-written letter, embellished with an elaborate signature, has been unearthed by the US National Archives and Records Administration.

It was one of the thousands of letters sent to the White House by children taking their demands to the very top.

In an impeccable hand, young Fidel signs the letter to President Roosevelt : "Your friend".

Dear Mr President

He asks Roosevelt, President of the US between 1933 and 1945, to fulfil one desire - to send him a green $10 note.

"Never I have not seen a ten dollars bill green American and I would like to have one of them," the future Cuban leader wrote.

He included a return address at the Colegio de Dolores in Santiago, Cuba, where he was studying at the time.

The White House had an office to deal with all the president's correspondence and sure enough Fidel Castro received a reply, but disappointingly, no bill.

About 19 years later, his guerrilla campaign toppled the seven-year military rule of Cuban President Fulgeneio Batista and, at 32, Mr Castro became the country's new leader.

The letter was lost for two or three decades and only found by accident by a researcher.

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOUR CELLPHONE COULD DO...

2007-02-12T10:45:00.000-08:00

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.
Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for
survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

*I*
*Subject: Emergency Number
*The Emergency Number worldwide for**Mobile** is112.* If you find
yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an
emergency,dial112and the mobile will search any existing network to
establish the emergency number for you,and interestingly this number 112
can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. **Try it out.**

*II*
*Subject: Have you locked your keys in the car? Does you car have remote
keys?*
This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone:
If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call
someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone.
Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person
at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on
their end. Your car will unlock.Saves someone from having to drive your
keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away,
and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you
can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note:*It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!"*

*III*
Subject: HiddenBatterypower
Imagine your cell battery isvery low, you are expecting animportant call
and you don't have a charger.Nokia instrument comes with a reserve
battery.To activate, press the keys*3370#Your cell will restart with
this reserve and the instrument will show a50%increase in battery. This
reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

*IV*
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on
your phone:
* # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your
handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. when your phone get
stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They
will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the
SIM card, your phone will be totally useless.
You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever
stole it can't use/sell it either.
If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

Windows Hidden Music Track

2007-02-12T10:33:00.000-08:00

Learn How To Fly

2007-02-12T10:14:00.000-08:00

Jokes :)

2007-02-12T10:13:00.001-08:00

Quote of the Day
Happiness: a good bank account, a good cook, and a good digestion.

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"
To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?"
"Certainly," replied the warden.
He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?"
"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she had selected the following items: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A half carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A small head of romaine lettuce, A 2-pound can of coffee, And a 1-pound package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her
cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea
sickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor and
headed for the bathroom. It was not until she collided
with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn't
have a stitch of clothing on. Horrified, she let out a
shriek. Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly.
"Don't let it bother you, miss," he moaned. "I'll never
live to tell anyone."

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."

Cow...

2007-02-12T10:11:00.000-08:00

Straight Line Riddle

2007-02-07T05:42:00.000-08:00

I feel sorry for him...

2007-02-07T05:39:00.000-08:00

Only in NY

2007-02-07T05:38:00.000-08:00

A Jewish man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Israel on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Jewish man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the expense of the Jewish man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan!
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Jewish man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Jewish man replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Boat Race Prank

2007-02-06T02:34:00.001-08:00

An air horn at a boat race can be a surprisingly powerful piece of equipment...

Now This Is One Real Hummer!

2007-02-05T07:34:00.000-08:00

High Speed Camera - Popcorn Pop

2007-02-05T07:29:00.000-08:00